He made me feel great from the very first beginning. For your information - as far as i can see he takes his recovery serious, goes to 2 AA meetings a week, does his 12 step program, sees his sponsor and all of that.Needless to say we decided to see each other again and went for dinner just a few days later. I have no reason not to trust him that he is serious about this.You might also want to discover how many prior attempts at sobriety has he had? treat his recovery the same as if he played guitar, was a triathlete or had hammertoe. One thing you said possibly sums it up: "Can we pull this off?you wouldn't need to take up the tambourine, start running 40 miles a day or enroll in podiatry. " There are so many reasons to be cautious or avoid a relationship in early sobriety, whether it's 2 alcoholics, one or whatever.
I was a bit hesitant, i am generally a bit shy and not good with meeting new people but my friends pushed me to go it was just coffee after all. Conversation was flowing we have so much in common. I just wonder if we cannot manage both with me stepping back a bit and taking it slow so he can focus on recovery and still see me?
He didnt swipe me off my feed immediately but over the next few dates i started to fall hard. He told me he used to drink a lot and first i didnt click what that actually means. It is recommended that during early stages of recovery one should not date for at least one year. We spoke about it and he told me that at this stage his recovery has absolute priority. As long as he communicates with me i am backing off if he needs the space or goes for meetings etc. sometimes i wonder if i should not walk away to give him the chance to recover for at least a year before we continue to deepen our relationship. I have stayed over at his place and he has been at mine and never did i feel that he is lying to me.
He is the most caring guy i have ever met, a true gentleman and i can be 100% myself. On our third date he cooked for me and we watched a movie, cuddled up and kissed. As we continued talking i he told me that he is an alcoholic in recovery and has only been 7month sober. I am not there to tell him what to do but i support him every step on the way. I didn't know anything about alcohol or drug abuse before i met him and would appreciate suggestions and help!
Apart from not flaunting alcohol in his face, there's not much more you can do because when you think you're helping you risk taking his power away, or even taking a stake in his success.
Have a good read around the forums; they will be very educational. The one-year mark is a suggestion (as is everything in AA and Al Anon) not a rule, so no need to artificially put things on hold.
Alcoholics who are committed to their recovery can make wonderful partners - I think sometimes even better than "civilians" because recovering alcoholics have to constantly introspect in a way that others do not.